Bereavement Support for Veterans in the North East: You Do Not Have to Grieve Alone

Bereavement can affect every part of a person’s life. The death of a family member, friend, former colleague or fellow service member can leave someone feeling overwhelmed, isolated and unsure where to turn.

For veterans, grief can sometimes be particularly complicated. A recent bereavement may bring back memories of previous losses experienced during military service. It can also trigger feelings connected to trauma, survivor’s guilt, separation from the Armed Forces or the loss of military identity.

At Anxious Minds, we understand that there is no single way to grieve. Some people want to talk openly about the person they have lost, while others need more time before they feel ready. Some veterans find comfort in being around other former service personnel who understand the unique experiences and culture of military life.

Through our Veteran Recovery Colleges and counselling services, we provide compassionate bereavement support for veterans and their families across the North East.

Understanding Grief and Bereavement

Bereavement is the experience of losing someone important to us. Grief is the emotional response to that loss.

Although grief is a natural part of life, it can be incredibly painful. It may affect a person emotionally, physically and socially. There is no correct timeline for grief, and people may experience different emotions from one day to the next.

Common reactions to bereavement can include:

• Sadness and frequent crying
• Shock or disbelief
• Anger or frustration
• Guilt or regret
• Anxiety about the future
• Difficulty sleeping
• Changes in appetite
• Poor concentration
• Loss of motivation
• Emotional numbness
• Withdrawal from other people
• Increased use of alcohol or substances

Some people may feel under pressure to stay strong, especially if they have spent years in the Armed Forces learning to remain calm and focused in difficult situations. However, grief is not a weakness. It is a human response to losing someone who mattered.

Asking for support can be an important step towards understanding what has happened and learning how to carry the loss in a healthier way.

Why Bereavement Can Be Different for Veterans

Veterans can experience the same forms of bereavement as anyone else, including the loss of a partner, parent, child, sibling or close friend. However, military service can add further layers to the grieving process.

The loss of a fellow service member

The bonds formed during military service can be extremely strong. Service personnel may live, train and deploy together, placing enormous trust in one another.

The death of a former colleague or friend can therefore feel like the loss of a family member. Even when the death happens many years after leaving the Armed Forces, it may still have a significant emotional impact.

Veterans may feel that people outside the military do not fully understand the depth of these relationships.

Survivor’s guilt

Some veterans may question why they survived when someone else did not. They may replay events, wonder whether they could have done something differently or feel guilty about continuing with their own lives.

These feelings can persist for years if they are not discussed or properly understood.

Survivor’s guilt can be extremely distressing, but it is not uncommon following traumatic loss. Talking to a trained counsellor can help veterans explore these thoughts without judgement.

Previous losses and traumatic memories

A new bereavement can sometimes reactivate memories of earlier deaths, injuries or traumatic events.

A veteran who loses a family member in civilian life may suddenly find themselves thinking about people who died during service. They may experience nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety or a renewed sense of grief for losses they never had the opportunity to process.

This is one reason why bereavement support for veterans should take military experience into account.

Loss of military identity

Grief is not always connected to a death. Veterans may also grieve the loss of their military career, rank, role, routine, community or sense of purpose.

Leaving the Armed Forces can be a major life transition. For some people, the military provided structure, belonging and identity. Once that chapter ends, they may feel disconnected or uncertain about where they fit.

When a personal bereavement happens at the same time, the veteran may feel that several important parts of their life have disappeared at once.

Signs That a Veteran May Need Bereavement Support

Everyone experiences grief differently. Some people gradually adapt with support from family, friends and their community. Others may find that the pain remains intense or begins to interfere with everyday life.

A veteran may benefit from professional bereavement support if they are:

• Struggling to complete normal daily activities
• Feeling persistently hopeless or overwhelmed
• Experiencing severe anxiety or panic
• Having recurring nightmares or traumatic memories
• Avoiding reminders of the person who died
• Becoming increasingly isolated
• Drinking alcohol or using substances to cope
• Feeling unable to discuss the loss
• Experiencing intense guilt or self-blame
• Having thoughts of suicide or self-harm

It is important not to wait until someone reaches crisis point before seeking help. Early support can give veterans a safe place to talk, understand their reactions and develop healthier ways of coping.

Bereavement Counselling for Veterans in the North East

Bereavement counselling provides a confidential space where people can talk about their loss with a trained professional.

Counselling does not remove grief or ask someone to forget the person who died. Instead, it can help people make sense of their emotions and gradually adjust to life after bereavement.

During counselling, a veteran may explore:

• The relationship they had with the person who died
• The circumstances surrounding the death
• Feelings of anger, guilt or regret
• Memories of military service
• Previous traumatic experiences
• Changes in family relationships
• Sleep and anxiety difficulties
• Loss of confidence or purpose
• Practical concerns following the bereavement
• Ways to remember and honour the person

At Anxious Minds, our counsellors understand that veterans may not always feel comfortable opening up immediately. Trust can take time, particularly when someone has learned to keep difficult emotions contained.

Our approach is compassionate, respectful and led by the individual.

The Importance of Veteran-Specific Support

Veteran-specific support can make a major difference because it recognises the culture, language and shared experiences of military life.

Some veterans worry that they will have to explain every aspect of their service before they can begin discussing how they feel. Others may fear that a civilian service will not understand military humour, loyalty, discipline or the close bonds formed within a unit.

At the North East Veteran Recovery College, veterans can access support in an environment designed around the needs of the Armed Forces community.

Being around other veterans can reduce isolation and help people feel understood. Even when two people have had very different military experiences, there may still be a shared understanding of service, transition and the difficulties of asking for help.

Support Beyond Counselling

Bereavement can affect much more than a person’s emotional wellbeing. It may also lead to financial pressure, housing difficulties, loneliness, family conflict or problems returning to work.

That is why Anxious Minds provides more than counselling alone.

Through our Veteran Recovery Colleges and wider services, veterans and their families may be able to access:

• Mental health and wellbeing support
• Peer support
• Recovery groups
• Addiction recovery services
• Outdoor therapy
• Social activities
• Benefits and housing advice
• Employment support
• Family support
• Community meals and food support
• Crisis and suicide prevention support

This whole-person approach is important because grief rarely exists in isolation. A bereaved veteran may be coping with anxiety, depression, trauma, debt or relationship difficulties at the same time.

Having access to different forms of support can help people rebuild stability and begin reconnecting with their community.

How Outdoor Therapy Can Help With Grief

Some veterans find traditional counselling helpful, while others initially feel more comfortable taking part in outdoor activities.

Outdoor therapy can provide a gentle way to reconnect with people, improve emotional wellbeing and reduce isolation. Activities in nature can create space for reflection without placing pressure on someone to talk before they feel ready.

Walking, fishing, woodland activities and other outdoor programmes may help veterans:

• Develop a routine
• Spend time with other people
• Reduce feelings of loneliness
• Improve confidence
• Experience a sense of achievement
• Manage stress and anxiety
• Reconnect with nature
• Begin talking in a less formal environment

For some veterans, meaningful conversations happen more naturally while walking beside someone or taking part in a shared activity.

Outdoor support is not a replacement for counselling when professional therapy is needed, but it can be a valuable part of someone’s recovery.

Supporting a Bereaved Veteran

Friends and family members often want to help but may feel unsure about what to say.

You do not need to have the perfect words. Simply being present and willing to listen can be enormously valuable.

You can support a bereaved veteran by:

• Asking how they are feeling
• Giving them time to answer
• Listening without trying to fix everything
• Avoiding phrases such as “you need to move on”
• Continuing to check in after the funeral
• Encouraging them to maintain basic routines
• Inviting them for a walk or a cup of tea
• Helping with practical tasks
• Encouraging professional support when needed
• Taking any mention of suicide seriously

Try not to assume that someone is coping well because they appear calm. Veterans may be highly skilled at hiding distress or continuing with daily responsibilities while struggling internally.

Grief can also become more difficult weeks or months after the death, when other people have returned to their normal routines. Continuing to offer support over time can make a meaningful difference.

When Grief and Alcohol or Substance Use Become Connected

Some bereaved veterans may turn to alcohol or drugs to numb painful feelings, reduce anxiety or help them sleep.

Although this may provide temporary relief, it can make mental health difficulties worse over time. Alcohol and substance use can affect sleep, relationships, decision-making and physical health. It may also increase impulsive behaviour and suicide risk.

Veterans experiencing both grief and addiction should not be judged or excluded from support. They need services that understand how trauma, bereavement and substance use can become connected.

Anxious Minds provides mental health and addiction recovery support, helping veterans address the underlying reasons they may be using alcohol or substances to cope.

Rebuilding Connection and Purpose

Grief can make the future feel empty. A veteran may struggle to imagine life without the person they have lost or feel that the activities they once enjoyed no longer have meaning.

Recovery does not mean forgetting. It means gradually finding ways to live alongside the loss.

For many veterans, rebuilding begins with small steps:

• Attending a support group
• Meeting another veteran for coffee
• Taking part in an outdoor activity
• Returning to a hobby
• Volunteering
• Establishing a daily routine
• Spending time with family
• Asking for help with practical problems
• Talking to a counsellor
• Finding a meaningful way to remember the person

Progress may not happen in a straight line. Anniversaries, birthdays, military events and family occasions can bring grief back strongly. This does not mean someone has failed or returned to the beginning.

Grief changes over time, and support should remain available for as long as it is needed.

Bereavement Support for Veterans and Families at Anxious Minds

Anxious Minds provides accessible mental health and wellbeing services for veterans, former service personnel, reservists and their families across the North East.

Through our Veteran Recovery Colleges, counselling services and community programmes, we offer a safe and welcoming place where people can talk, connect and access practical support.

Whether your bereavement happened recently or many years ago, it is never too late to ask for help.

You may be struggling with the death of a loved one, grieving a fellow veteran or finding that a recent loss has brought back memories from your military service. Whatever your circumstances, you deserve to be listened to and supported.

You do not have to carry grief alone.

Contact Anxious Minds to learn more about bereavement counselling and veteran support across the North East.

Visit www.anxiousminds.co.uk or telephone 0191 262 0305 to speak to a member of our team.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 999 or attend the nearest Accident and Emergency department.